teeny, tiny baby steps

I had my first appointment with my therapist yesterday. I did a lot of research before I chose her and thank goodness I lucked upon a list of therapist that deal specifically with eating disorders and obesity. For some reason, it was very important for me to find someone like that. I guess it's just a comforting feeling to know they at least *try* to understand.

Anyway, I met with her yesterday and she was very nice. I explained to her that I went from feeling and looking the best I ever had to this downward spiral I can't seem to stop and I just can't figure out why. She didn't laugh at me, so she gets points there. She basically said it might get harder before it gets easier and I sort of already figured that out but it was good to hear. She also said that I should give myself credit for getting out and doing things like going to the dentist and making the appointment with her. Sometimes, I feel like an idiot for needed to be proud of myself for doing things that other people find completely normal and mundane but sometimes, it's the only thing that makes me feel like a human being. She made it very clear she's not one of those "oh, just pull yourself up by your boot straps!" people and that depression is not something that's easy to work your way out of, especially if it's to the point mine seems to be. I guess it was reassuring for a professional to tell me that I am not, in fact, insane and that this is not some weird thing I am imagining.

So I'll be seeing her once a week for the timing being. It's covered by my insurance, other than a $10 copay, so that's good. Hopefully, I'll be able to figure my way out of this eventually. I am not even focused on the food right now. Just getting out of bed and then maybe getting my brain working right again.