One's not the loneliest number

There was a 1 in front of my weight when I jumped on the scale this morning. I honestly can't remember the last time I saw that. It's not official, as Mondays are the days it gets written down for posterity. But it was certainly nice to see. Especially since the last few days have been kind of rough.

I haven't made any giant missteps but I did have a Subway sandwich with BREAD yesterday AND a bowl of Bran Chex. The carb cravings were hitting me pretty strong but I think it was more out of a need for some more fiber than anything. I had to fight through it pretty hard, especially when I was at Subway and trying to convince myself that a little bag of Doritos was no big deal. *L* So I went home and had a bowl of pizza (sauce, cheese, turkey pepperoni) and felt a little better. 3/4 of a comfort food is better than none at all, right?

I am going to have popcorn when I go see Revenge of the Sith tomorrow, dammit. It's the last Star Wars ever and I think that is cause for celebration. And if I don't put butter on it, it's really not that bad of a snack, all things considered. However, I will not be buying any chocolately peanutbuttery stuff to go with, no matter how good those things are together. A girl has to have her limits, no?

The next step in my plan is to slooooowly add whole grains back in to my diet once a day for a start. Either a piece of toast with breakfast or brown rice with dinner. I might even gives some soba noodles or bulgur a try. But this also means my calorie intake will go up, so I can't really avoid the exercising any longer. I know, I know! Can't do it with out the exercise. But I am still fighting the lazy and I don't want to push myself too much because I get overwhelmed and then I give up. However, I've got my new shoes coming, so once they get here, I won't really have any more excuses!

30 minutes past hungry

I do a little exercise in restraint these days. If I think I feel hungry, I wait at least 30 minutes before I do anything about it. No, I am not a masochist. I am just trying to get used to the feeling. Well, used to being comfortable being hungry. For most people, I think that is a bit odd. No one likes being hungry, true. But the emptiness that accompanies it, for me, is some sort slippery slope in to binging and depression. I can't remember when that actually started. It seems like it's been that way forever.

As a somewhat mature adult, one would think I could rationalize my way through those feelings. After all, I am not even close to being in a place where I am should fear starving. Of course, that's not really it. It's the emptiness. The absence of comfort, which I rely on food to provide, when I should look to other things. So I sit and wait and wallow in the empty until I can do it without panicking and move on. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I've talked about this before but I repeat to remind myself that I am still doing it.

I learned yesterday that even have some whole wheat cereal in the house makes for serious self control issues. Who knew that crunchy would be my downfall? I only bought it because it was onsale at the Whole Paycheck and the sample was tasty. But I crave that crunchy sort of thing too much, and I obviously can't be trusted with it. It makes me sad in away, right now, because eating a handful of tortilla chips with salsa would not derail my progress in the slightest. But I know if I had them in my house, a handful would turn in to a cup full, which would lead to a bowlful and then, wow, the whole bag is gone!

So I'll work on the getting used to being hungry and maybe one day I can move on to self control.

Another thing I was thinking about today, is my very supportive friends and family. I do love them dearly and without them, I would not be able to do this sort of thing. But sometimes, they just don't get it. Please don't talk to me like I am four year old who just drew a picture of a house when I update you on my progress. Ooooh, that is so greaaaaaaaaaaaaat, you are doing so gooooooooooooood. I mean, I understand that as a non-fat person, you don't quite get how I got to be this gigantic sloth and that sometimes you think I might be a little retarded because of it. But really. I do not ride any sort of short bus and I am not, last time I checked, under the age of five. So can we shoot for a different tone next time? Great. Thanks.

Yeah, I am an ungrateful snot. But I am also an ungrateful snot that hasn't had pasta in a month. Work with me here!