Mm. Yeah. So I hit a bit of a wall. I had a minor flip out and had a whole pizza and a 20oz Mountain Dew on Monday. Plus, I haven't worked out in two days. I can feeeeeeeeeeeeel it tugging me back. "Come, Amber! Starch coma's are so much fun!!" Grrr. I fear I don't have the energy to fight through it. I just want to go home, stuff my face and watch the Dawson's Creek finale! And I don't even like that show!

I should have known the easiness wouldn't last. I know I can battle through this but I have to do it now. No more "oh just an extra piece of pizza, one more hour of sleep, I'll workout twice as hard tomorrow" crap. *takes sledgehammer to wall*

I wasn't feeling very posty this weekend. It was a good weekend food and exercise wise, though. I still ache for the days of laying around all weekend, eating chips and pizza and overdosing on coca cola. I miss that feeling of being barely awake. Everything is all fuzzy and warm. I wouldn't feel much of anything. It sounds kind of sick to miss that sort of thing but I do. On the other hand, I am really enjoying working out at the moment. Honestly! I look forward to it, really. It makes me feel better than making myself a nice meal. Probably because I still view food as my mortal enemy.

I watched some special on E! about how hard people work to stay thin in Hollywood. It is amazing the things we will put our bodies through in the name of "beauty". One woman drank 6 shakes a day for 7 months!! I can't even imagine how miserable that would be. Food is to be enjoyed, you know? How can you teach yourself to eat better if you are just sucking shakes down? Or even having someone deliever three square meals a day?? Do those people just go back to eating the way they used to when they get to their goal weight? I just couldn't do any of that. I am doing my best to fix healthy things I enjoy. And while I still see food as an enemy, we are working our way to a tenative peace treaty.