Mmm. So. Uh. I didn't have a salad. I had four pieces of rye toast, some orange juice and

2 bags of soy crisps!!

That is equal to seven servings and 700 calories. Yeah, not very smart.

I could NOT stop eating yesterday and I still don't know why. I mean I was uber tired from not getting enough sleep before going to the gym at the ASS CRACK of dawn. I think maybe that had a lot to do with it. I just didn't seem to have the energy to fight the demon voices in my head telling me to keep eating. I mean, I ate one bag of the crisps and then went in to the kitchen, got another bag, carried it to the living room, ripped it open and ate the whole damn thing without much protest. Not good. So I packed an uber good selection of food for lunch/snack today and I am going to be ridiculously good when I go out to dinner tonight. I will NOT let one bad day ruin two whole weeks of good living!!

Yeah, so, I pigged out at lunch today. Well, as much as one can pig out on edamame, sweet potatoes, baked chicken strips and some broccoli polenta. I haven't been this full in two weeks. Now all I want to do is take a nap. I can't figure out why I felt the need to eat everything I brought for my two lunches in one sitting. Maybe this not being full is starting to feel like empty to me again. I didn't think that I would overcome my issues in two weeks but I wasn't really ready to have them creep up yet. *L* I think the fact that I am rather tired is a factor. I tend to think "eat to stay awake!" Which is dumb because it actually makes me sleepier.

I guess filling myself like this dulls other sensations. If the voices in my head can't get me down with "don't get used to feeling good, you will screw up" self talk, then they will sabotage me by dulling the good feelings until I forget how good they feel.

Well fuck them. I am having a salad for dinner, dammit. *stomp*

I made some broccoli polenta for dinner tonight and it was rather yummy so I thought I would post it here. I got it from Erin. I, of course, skipped the mushrooms and just added some extra water. I ate a little too much, too, so I'll have to measure next time I eat some.

Deep-Dish Polenta Pie in Veggie Soup

Ingredients

1 oz dried mushrooms, about 2/3 cup, crumbled
2 cup water, hot
20 oz frozen chopped broccoli, two 10 oz packages, thawed
2 cup low-fat milk
1 tsp table salt
1 cup uncooked cornmeal, stone-ground yellow
4 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese
1 Tbsp butter
1 small tomato(es), plum, seeded and chopped
1 can of Healthy Choice Country Vegetable Soup

Combine mushrooms and 1/2 cup hot water in a small bowl; set aside. Lightly coat bottom and sides of a 10-inch deep-dish pie pan with cooking spray.

Place broccoli in colander and squeeze out excess water; set aside. Heat oven to 400°F.

In a large heavy-bottomed pot, combine remaining 1 1/2 cups hot water, milk and salt; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and slowly drizzle in cornmeal, whisking constantly. Continue to cook, stirring frequently, until polenta is as thick as mashed potatoes, about 6 to 8 minutes.

Stir in broccoli, mushrooms and their liquid, 3 tablespoons Parmesan and butter.

Spread polenta mixture evenly in prepared pan. Sprinkle on tomato and remaining Parmesan. Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until edges begin to brown. Cool at least 30 minutes, or serve at room temperature.

Ug. I cannot get my ass out of bed early in the morning! I mean, I was sooo tired last night and I finally got to bed about 10:30 which would have been okay but I could NOT fall asleep. My body was so ready but my brain was not. I have the hardest time being a morning person. Blech. I know it is better to get up and exercise in the morning but I cannot seem to get myself to do it. Grrrrr.

I had some leftover Chinese food for breakfast. I have no idea why. I am so freaking weird. Also, I need a nap? *yawn*

So this tells me the following:

1710.5 calories per day is your Basal Caloric Rate.
This is no more than:
57.018 grams of fat (30%)
64.145 grams of protein (15%)
235.20 grams of carbohydrate (55%)

2223.7 calories per day recommended for your Active Caloric Rate.
This is no more than:
74.123 grams of fat (30%)
83.389 grams of protein (15%)
305.76 grams of carbohydrate (55%)

No less then 1210.5 calories per day recommended for safe consistent Weight Loss.
This is no more than:
40.351 grams of fat (30%)
45.395 grams of protein (15%)
166.45 grams of carbohydrate (55%)
At this safe consistent Weight Loss Caloric Rate, you will lose 1 pound every 7 Days

So, my 1,500 cal a day goal was a pretty good target, I think. And I do my best to stay under 60g of fat, so that is good too. I am not sure about the carbs. I will have to go back and look at that. I wish FitDay was more accurate. I really liked the WebMD version better because their selection of food was better. Oh well. If I continue to make smart choices and exercise, FitDay's accuracy won't really affect me.

So, I went and had the blazing noodles for lunch. I did my best to only eat one serving but I think I ate a little too much. First of all, I ordered edamame for an appetizer so I could fill up on some nice soy protein before the starch bomb was brought to the table. Unfortunatly, while I was in the bathroom, they brought out both the appetizer and the entree! I know most people adore fast service but I wanted to ease in to the meal, you know? I gathered my willpower and managed to eat a fair amount of edamame before digging in to the noodles. I made sure to just put enough on my plate to equal about one serving, making sure to add the pea pods, tomatoes and carrots along with the chicken and noodles. I had to force myself to eat slowly because it was sooooooooooooooo good. I only went back the plate for one more spoonful but, really, I shouldn't have because I was pretty much full by then. Next time, I am going to get a to go box before I start eating and put everything but one serving in the box. I think that is the best way to control my urge to eat the whole plate. I never want to do that again!

The person I was with, who is also a diabetic, ate all of her shrimp! She spent 5 more minutes eating after I had put my food in the box. I used to be like that. Cleaning my plate because the food tasted so good and I wanted to eat it until my body begged me to stop. I refuse to put myself through that any more. Now I have enough left over that if I want, I can have some for a snack later today and probably once more for lunch this week. It is healthier, and more economical, to only eat until satisfied, you know? I have to tell myself that over and over and over again while I eat. I have to remember that it took 27 years for me to build up the tapes that are looped in my head and it will take a lot of time and FOCUS to change those tapes.

Man, I think I am hitting a wall. It's only been a week and a half! I just have to bear down and plow through it! I was going to go to the gym yesterday morning but I could not get out of bed. Mondays are no fun. *snerk* I did my cardio and strength training when I got home, though. I did get up this morning and go. Of course, the gym I went to has that stupid sign up thing that I didn't see when I got there so some dude interupted me before I was done. Plus, the sign up is only for 30 minutes. Um. What if I want to work out longer than that? Stupid gym. The one closer to my house but waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay far away from work is so much nicer. Dammit! I find it almost amusing that I am upset that I couldn't work out longer. See, I don't have a problem once I get there. I like working out. It's the getting there that I have a tough time with. Stupid gym.

Going to lunch with my old boss today. We are going to the Chinese place I adore. I told myself that if I got up and worked out this morning, I could have the spicy noodle dish I love so much. I hope I can control myself. *L* Wait, I know I can. I just need to get a to go box right away and put everything but a serving in it and not open it again until it is time for second lunch! *stomp* I can do it, yes I can.

Popcorn for dinner is not exactly healthy. But! Still didn't go over calories or fat and I worked my ASS off yesterday at the gym. I set up a fitness blog to keep track of my progress. That makes three blogs now. *L* I don't think I am being obsessive. I mean, all I am doing is journalling about what is going on. I just choose to break it up in to three specific journals.

I am a wee bit sore today but it is a good sore. It doesn't hurt too much and it makes me feel accomplished! My plans for today include making some summer veggie soup. Yummy! Soup is a savior for me because you can make them easily and as long as you season them right, the veggies are a joy to eat! Part of my experiment today includes adding fresh basil instead of Mrs. Dash stuff. We shall see!