So, yes, I had Arby's for dinner last night. But, I didn't have any fries and that Beef & Cheddar tasted soooooooooooooooooo good, ya'll. And, as I said, I had enough calories left over to allow for it. I pretty much doubled my fat grams but I was still under 50 for the day, so I think that is cool.

I also didn't work out yesterday but I think 7 days in a row is pretty good. I did get a nice workout watching a Margaret Cho DVD, though. Laughter does burn calories! Anyway, I plan on going to the gym this afternoon and making up for yesterday a bit. I might go for 40 minutes on the elliptical. Woo?

I got my blood sugar tester today. Wooo? Now, I am going to Arby's and I am going to have a Beef & Cheddar because I have the calories and the fat grams alloted to do so. Woo! Treat for me!

Mmm. This evening was. interesting. After I ate some soup for dinner, I was still feeling, well, ravenous, really. Like my mouth was watering and, ug, I wanted food. Not a specific craving just FOOOD! I just drank some water and told myself NO! But when I went to input what I had eaten for dinner, I realized I had only eaten about 1,000 calories in the day!! EEK! No wonder I was hungry. I mean, I felt okay during the day with my tuna sandwhich and stuff but man, I was so hungry! Especially after my 40 minutes of working out. So I had some more of that pasta and meat sauce from yesterday. I probably should have waited a bit longer and I think I probably ate a little more than necessary but, even with that, I didn't go over about 1,600. It is going to take me awhile to get the hang of it all, I think.

My mom says I can't count calories forever and, you know, I agree. But right now, I need to feel my way around a bit and if I am accountable for everything I put in my mouth, I am much more concious when I make my food choices. Sure, a Whopper sounds great but when I input it in to FitDay, it is going to tell me I used all my calories and fat in one meal! That is hard to look at, yo. And I just don't want to do that to myself anymore!

Still feeling the good. Trying to revel in it instead of being frightened by it. It's working okay so far!

I realized that my calorie counting has been off for the past few days because I was entering the amount for a whole cup of Grape Nuts instead of a half. Ooops. That is almost 200 calories. Silly me. Still, yesterday, it helped me because when I made dinner, I included a salad and cut my portion of pasta and sauce to one cup because the wheat pasta, while yummy and good for me, would have pushed me close or maybe over 2,000 calories for the day. Now, I love me up some pasta, okay. And I never thought in a million years that I could measure out a cup of pasta with meat sauce and be satisfied. Even a week ago, I would have laughed at anyone who told me that. Usually, I eat every bite of the pasta I boil. No matter what. You're full? So what! There is still yummy pasta there! Have some bread, too! Oooh. Is there anymore Coke? That was my life. Was. I just said was. Hmmm. Okay, see? Getting excited here because ate a reasonable portion and a salad for dinner and I didn't die!! That might be a little far fetched but, still. I am amazed.

Why do I feel the need to keep questioning why this is working? It's like all the sudden I have been given a new talent I've never had before and I am not quite sure what to do with it. And I fear, like that guy and his little mouse, that my genius will fade and I'll be left with the memory of being able to eat right.

Okay, so it has been 6 full days now. YAY ME! I was telling the ladies at the LtB chat that I am feeling really good and that is causing me to be thinking about when the other shoe is going to drop. I tell myself to not get too excited because it will be worse when I screw up. I mean, I am already planning the screw up! How fucked up is that? I mean, I should enjoy feeling good. I should revel in wanting to walk a little faster, enjoying working out and putting food in my body for fuel instead of for comfort! These are all good things.

I guess I just have this "expectation" of failure because I haven't been able to be successful at changing my life before. I have extra motivational factors now, with the diabetes, so I should probably be glad that I have made it six days! When will I be able to appreciate the work I am doing for myself and not think I am doomed to fail? If it were someone else telling me about what they had accomplished over the last week, I would feel great joy for them and only encourage them to continue! But I tell myself "well, don't enjoy it too much, it won't last!" If I had a friend who talked to me like that, well, I wouldn't be friends with them.

I need to ride this good feeling in to tomorrow morning. Then into the afternoon and the evening. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. I can do this! I am doing this. There is NO reason why it cannot continue!

Hmmm. I might have to try this: Weight Loss Letter

princess wee wee linked to TheSkinny Daily Post and her entry today was so good that I am going to have to read her archives.

It is amazing to me how we all have the same thoughts and experiences, no matter how much or little we have struggled with weight. I love reading about people who are successful because I see that they have the same fears and barriers that I am dealing with right now. I know that if they got through it, so can I. Love me up some success stories, y'all.

Speaking of which! I went to the best Chinese food place ever and had a bowl of their wonderful Hot & Sour soup whilst my co-workers at plates full of rice and chicken covered in yummy sauces. Was I jealous? Yes. Did I enjoy my yummy soup? Hell yes. Then I came back to the office and had an apple with peanut butter for my mid-afternoon snack. Woo! Go me!

Um. I also bought new underwear and a bra at VS after lunch. Technically, I am not breaking the "no new clothes until I am down a size" promise because I desperatly need new underwear and the bra was too cute. So, yeah. Plus, I deserve an award for 6 straight days of staying on my personal food plan. Go me again!

I am nervous! Everyone is going to the kick-ass Chinese place for lunch today and I have agreed to go with. This is my first trip out to eat since I started really paying attention to what I am eating. I do okay when my portions are very controlled but EEE! Fabulous food everywhere! And I can't get my favorite thing there because it is all fried and sweet. *sigh* But, they do have the BEST hot and sour soup I have ever had, so I can just have that if I can't figure out what else to get.

Woo. 5 days in a row. I have eaten well and I have exercised. This evening, I even added some strength traning. I really like the Donna Richardson DVD. The workouts are only 20 minutes each but they do their job and you don't get bored because you can mix and match.

I had some wheat pasta tonight and it was actually pretty good. Organic wheat pasta from Whole Foods=yummy. It's kind of weird because, right now, I am kind of enjoying this food thing. I mean, I basically get to eat all day long. When I'm hungry, I eat. I am not eating a cheesburger or anything but at least I get to eat. I don't feel deprived at all, either. I am trying to pick foods I enjoy, too, so I think that is helping. I was also looking forward to working out when I got home. Now that is just weird! What the hell is happening to me?

I know, calm down. It's only five days. But this is lasting longer than most of my other attempts to change my life, so yay! I will be interested to see how this effects my bloodsugar. I will know as soon as the monitor arrives, whenever that will be.

Oh, gurl. If you could have just seen me dancing around my bedroom like a fool! I was very lazy this evening and I came *thisclose* to not getting my exercise in for the day. I was really going to just skip it! The horror! I was going to give up 4 days in a row of keeping my promise to myself to move every day for at least 20 minute! Jeesh.

Luckily, I realized the folly of this and decided to do something before bed. First, I was going to do the Pilates that I downloaded but the codec got messed up so I got out the Pilates Mix dvd I bought around the holidays but even the rejuvination section was a little much for me. I decided to settle for dancing around my bedroom like a fool.

I loooooooooooooove to dance. I will bust a move any time, any place, y'all. It kind of sucks when I go to a dance club and when I really start grooving, some overgrown 13yr old "man" has to start pointing and mocking. I mean, I am not even that fat. But that isn't the point. The point is, I am sometimes self-conscience about my dancing when in public but when I am alone in my room? Oh yeah. Dancing fool. I used to do it ALL THE TIME when I was a kid. Make up dance routines to my favorite songs and just go! I enjoyed it so. damn. much. So, I have decided that when I don't feel like walking or do to the gym, I will dance around my bedroom.

Tonight, I was in the club with Britney, Justin and Christina and we were grooving hard core for over 20 minutes, yo. Now I am beat! Woo!

Still, I am glad y'all couldn't see me because, well, I am a dork. Heee.

Everyone at work has been really supportive. I even had two women tell me they had old monitors at home I could have if I need them. Isn't that nice? I can't believe how much more wonderful this job is compared to my last one. It is like night and day, yo. Two meals down for today and I am still doing good. I must do some moving when I get home. I am not sure what I will do. If it isn't rainy, I might just walk the dog. I did the dance aerobics part of the Donna Richardson Three Day Rotation yesterday. It was actually quite fun and the 20+minutes went by pretty fast. My heart rate was up and I was sweating, so I think it did me good. I would never do it where other people could see me, though, because I am sure I looked a fool. Her steps were not that complicated but I was so uncoordinated. I liked it because she made it more like dancing, lots of swiveling of the hips and flayling of the arms. Fun stuff!

Well, this weekend was good, I think. I made sure to excercise once a day and I averaged 4 meals a day, too. I am not sure what I should be getting in terms of total calories but I am trying to keep it under 2000 for right now, as not to give my body a shock. Once I go to that class, I will know more. It was actually hard for me to go over 1600 on Satuday and that was with the popcorn! Don't get me wrong, I am not going to be counting like this forever but I wanted to get an idea as to what I was eating. After awhile, it should become like a habit, right? RighT!