Hmm. Well, it seems I have lost some weight. Woo! When I went to the doctor on Wednesday, their scale showed me at 221 and when I weighed myself on my home scale, it was about 218. So, yeah. That's about 6 lbs. Woot! I would like to be under 200 by the time I go home for the wedding in July. If I end up having surgery, that goal will probably come quicker than that but I will have to concentrate on not gaining any of it back, too. It has been a looooooooooooong time since I had a one at the beginning of my weight. It would be nice to get back there soon.

Okay, I started this entry with "I didn't" and then I realized that maybe negativity is not the best way to go about starting journal entries! I got up at 8 this morning and did a bit of rushing to get to work. Each commute makes me *thismuch* closer to taking the bus in, let me tell you!

I was very proud of myself this afternoon at lunch. We went to this really good Chinese place where I usuall stuff my face with every piece of chicken on my plate. This time, I only ate half and barely had any rice. Woo! I have to be really conscience of that or I really will just eat until it is all gone. I won't talk about the actual food choice I made because, well, fried. But so yummy! *sigh*

My ultrasound is scheduled for early Tuesday morning. I wish they could have gotten me in earlier but I have to fast and stuff so that was the best they could do. I should know whether I need to have surgery by the end of next week, I guess.

Well, the good news is, the cramps are getting better. The bad news? NewDoctorwiththeCuteShoes thinks it is gallstones. I have to go for an ultrasound and if she is correct, I have to have surgery. Yuck! And ya'll wanna know something horrible? One of my first thoughts was "cool! I'll probably lose a few pounds!" That is so wrong and I am just omg at my freaky self. On the other hand, I am glad I finally have a (sort of) answer. I guess I should mention that in my research about gallstones, I found a lot of mentions of how a diet high in fat can cause them. So I would just like to say to The Powers That Be that I FUCKING GET IT!! You can stop with the pre-diabetes, stones in my digestive system shit. I GET that I need to change. I am WORKING on it. For fucks sake, give a girl a break! I am 27 years old and I am falling apart! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *ahem* So, yeah. Let this be a warning. If you don't take the subtle hints, they bring out the anvils.

Today was an okay day. I am still have stomach cramps but I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning so that should get it cleared up. I had lunch with the co-workers today and we went to this really cool Italian place. It really wasn't that hard to choose something healthy and I didn't eat much because of the stomach issues. I did have fast food for dinner but I figure if I am going to be in pain, I might as well eat crap food. Right? Right.

Can we just forget the weekend even happened? Yeah, that would be great. I didn't do horribly with food but it wasn't exactly stellar. And let's just forget about the fast food binge on Sunday, shall we? I should have fasted the whole weekend, what with the stomach cramps. I get really paranoid about digestive issues because of all the problems my dad had. It seems to have gone away for the most part but I had a few little ones this afternoon. I think maybe it is yet another wakeup call that if I don't eat right, my body is going to make me pay for it. Food is for fuel, dammit.

So I am trying that whole many small meals thing to keep the metabolism up. I went to the grocery store last night and bought a bunch of heathly shit, including some Boca products. I had planned to get up early and make a decent breakfast but I didn't sleep well due to the stomach issues so I hit the snooze. I ended up having some rye toast and orange juice instead. Not a lot of protien but okay.

My main issue is controlling my portions. I just eat until everything is gone, you know? I have no idea what it is like to eat until satisfied and leave stuff on my plate. How bizarre is that? Even when I packed my lunch, I probably made it bigger than I should have and I ate every last bite. I still don't have a tight enough grasp on food=fuel as I should and it shows when I mow down on the food. I think that will be my goal for dinner tonight. Small portions and not eating until I feel like bursting.