More from front lines of the vast liberal media conspiracy

I was working at BookStore last night, as I am wont to do on Tuesdays, and as I was straightening books on the front table, I noticed some books out of place. You see, we have these rules about the height of book stacks, highest stacks to the left and on down to the right (not a political statement, so keep your panties on, crazy right-wingnuts). Therefore, it is easy to see when something is out of place. So I decide to perform my function as a bookstore worker and fix the little mess. Then I noticed that all of the books that were out of place were either pro-Bush/Repug books or Kerry-slamming tomes. Imagine my surprise when I picked up these lovely pieces of fair and balanced writing to find pro-Kerry and anti-Bush books underneath! Some not-at-all-crazy right wing fanatic had gone to the trouble of covering books he/she disagreed with. Not only that, he/she even found the need to bring books from the politics and government section, all the way at the back of the store, up to the front for this little protest.

First of all, thanks a lot, dicksmack, for giving me more work to do. Second of all, I applaud your "creativity" and "devotion" to your cause. Don't, you know, write your own book, or volunteer in your community, or offer up intelligent counterpoints in a debate, just cover up all the stuff you don't agree with, that'll show 'em! Of course, all you did was piss off this little member of the vast liberal media conspiracy, so the next time I am straightening up the politics and government section, I am going to face-out every Michael Moore, Molly Ivins, etc.etc.etc., book and take great care in making sure that the likes of Karen Hughes and Bill O'Reilly get no face time whatsoever.

Thank you for inspiring me to stoop to your juvenile level. I feel so dirty.

As if that wasn't enough to drive me to drink, I had a woman wander up to the information desk and ask if we had Unfit for Command in stock, because it was supposedly released yesterday. I was happy to inform her that, no, that shipment had not arrived yet. I braced myself for the usual "this is a conspiracy" shtick I usually get, but she simply pursed her lips and asked me if I knew when the shipment would arrive. I kindly told her that I had no way of checking that, but offered to reserve a copy for her and call her when it came in. She agreed and we completed our little transaction, as much as it pained me to do so. I bid her a good day and sent her on her way.

What I wanted to do, however, was give her a little info about this book that she was so gun-ho to read. Like how one of the men involved in the lie spreading campaign against Kerry regrets stating that Kerry didn't earn his Silver Star. Or the fact that one of the authors has been attacking Kerry since Nixon was in office. Or that the other author is a complete racist nutjob.* Or that the financial backing for the Swiftboat crowd comes from extreme right wing Repugs. Or that none of the men featured in the book actually served with Kerry. Or that all of the men who actually did serve in his boat and are still living attended the DNC and publicly praised Kerry, some even crediting him with saving their lives.

But, you know, I just kept my mouth shut. Because anyone actually planning to spend money on that giant steaming pile of shit has absolutely no interest in the truth whatsoever. So I hope that rich *insert area where rich white repugs live in city wherein this particular tree hugger lives* bitch enjoys her big book o' lies when it comes in.

*Some of his more memorable opinions:

"Kerry offers a clear choice. Anti-American hatred"

"Islam is like a virus -- it affects the mind -- maybe even better as an analogy -- it is a cancer that destroys the body it infects... No doctor would hesitate to eliminate cancer cells from the body"

"Too bad the plane didn't crash into the TV set of the NBC show "THE LEFT WING" -- especially when Martin Sheen was 'acting.'"

"Mullah Ali'Gore-ah is very proud of his new Bin Laden beard and he hopes others in the Democratic Party will follow his lead. Hell-ary is disappointed she cannot grow a beard, but her press secretary reminds us she can still enroll in flight school"

He, of course, is a bit of a flip-flopper and is now saying that these comments were "taken out of context" and he "considers them a joke." "I don't stand by any of those comments and I apologize if they offended anybody." I'll take that as an apology for your mere existence, sir.